Things I Learned/Reaffirmed in Japan

God has a lot of explaining to do!
Cold is relative to the length of your snot-sickles.
Grace sometimes comes with the smile of a child
Precision is no substitute for passion.
There’s always a BIGGER picture.
Alone is relative to how many people have loved you.
Finding a home within yourself is sometimes harder than apartment shopping.
Being the outsider has it’s advantages.
Just because I don’t speak your language doesn’t mean that I don’t know what you’re saying.
If it crawled or swam at one time, I probably ate it!
I’m sorry, but certain people are always going to make me suspicious.
1’s and 0’s don’t answer life’s bigger questions.
Certain things are hilarious in any language.
There’s more than one way to choke a chicken!
Ceremony is an excuse to put on funny clothes and dress up.
God is the ultimate comedian. She made us!
So, when is Godzilla going to come busting over the hill?
Most of what people in Japan believe about America comes from TV., most of it bad!
Second chances ain’t par for the course here.
My way of life is diametrically opposed to yours, can you deal with that?
No matter how bad things get, they can always get worse!
Not forgetting your past has it’s own coils.
Not understanding can be liberating.
We’re neighbors, we share the same ocean!
Favorite Japanese food, that’s easy, KFC, McDonalds, and Pizza Hut!
Being misunderstood doesn’t mean being without blame.
There’s a lot more separating us than holding us together!
Japanese people will never tell you something is wrong, you’ll just feel the cut!
Cuteness doesn’t save you in the end (borrowed from my Mother!)
Favorite word in English- maybe.
Yes, this is my first time using chopsticks!
Consensus doesn’t always mean being right.
Don’t show up without a game plan.
Yelling doesn’t always mean you’ll be heard!
One gold medal is enough to keep an island afloat.
Not eating enough and running everywhere will help you lose weight!
Self-esteem is often razor thin.
Baseball in Japan is popular because your trajectory is determined by your predecessor.
Giving speeches is good for the ego!
Today is the first day of the rest of your life!
If you fuck up once here, you’re stepping in shit forever.
Winning isn’t everything! It just seems like it.
Making fun of something doesn’t mean you understand it.
Japanese rule #1, if one of us goes down, we all go down together.
Language shouldn’t be treated as an equation.
The spirit needs some madness.
Taking a cold shower in winter is the best way to wake up!
Wiping your hands on your pants is almost the same as paper towels!
The only really interesting things in life defy explanation.
Sin? Hey, I tried my best!
Why did I come to Japan? To meet Ultraman of course!
Perfectionism kills.
Learn the basics and forget the rest!
Always have a grab-bag of tricks!
Blind adherence=No. 2 economy in the world.
Who won the war again?
Streamlined approaches to life don’t allow for detours.
Just because you’re rushing doesn’t mean you are getting there any faster.
There are some truths to stereotypes!
It’s hard to say good-bye to 600 people at once!
Be open to surprises that will change your whole perspective!
Confusion can be liberating!
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Americans are highly suspect. I should know, I’m one of them!
Don’t confuse protocol with sincerity
Any rule worth its salt should be broken from time to time!
One person can redeem an entire nation.
Forget about right and wrong, this is a war!
I respect the fact you don’t want to learn my language.
Being wrong is better if you don’t know and funnier still if no one tells you!
I secretly delight in cheating the system.
Why do I get the feeling I am being watched?
Wrong things saying interesting it keeps!
You have to pick up some things and throw others overboard to stay afloat in a new country.
Less is more/ Little things mean a lot in Japan!
Space aliens are alive and among us!
Gunma winds blow hard, Gunma women blow harder.
These people don’t stop!
Telling the difference between Chinese and Japanese people is hard.
Karaoke works better with sho chu and grapefruit juice.
The Japanese are the original language deconstructionists.
You heavy drinka Eric-san!
Just because my nation is ruining the planet means I agree with it!
Compulsion has many channels.
Check the onsen for floating objects before entering.
Half of what you suppose might actually be true!
The sun is always red, got it?
The power of images is more visceral than words.
A little trying goes further than a lot of negligence.
Don’t be fooled. It only appears like I have been studying!
Abject circumstance often determines character.
Just because we speak the same language doesn’t mean that we have anything to say to each other.
Making everyone the same only confuses things!
It’s not peoples fault at the bottom for bad decision-making at the top.
Nobody owes you a bento box.
A fork is a poor excuse for a chopstick/ a chopstick is a poor excuse for a fork.
Airbrushing/digital scrambling only makes you more curious!
No, I can’t see you, nor can you see me!
Being late can save your life.
No good deed goes unpunished!
Smiling on the outside isn’t always the same on the inside.
Eating exotic dishes often means not looking!
Bowing taken to extremes can cause knocked skulls.
Respect given isn’t always respect received.
Often what we find funny in others are things we wish we had in ourselves.
What you suppose to be the truth can be the furthest thing from it!
Passing old prejudices from the previous generation shouldn’t be overlooked.
You can read a person without words.
All work and no play….
Giggling isn’t the same as laughter.
You can tell a lot about someone with an earthquake.
I’m not as cool as you might suppose.
Oh yeah, how sorry are you?
Meditation is for people who don’t have an art form.
Just cause people treat you like a rockstar doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
Drinking and having fun are often mutually exclusive.
Most of what you think is all in your head.
Taking off your shoes is not a bad habit.
Must drive on the left, must drive…
The male ego is easily stroked.
You know a lot more than you think about others and they about you.
One chance for glory means there’s going to be some casualties.
You can grow to love someone more in their absence.
Foreigners have invisible force fields on trains.
Travel means eating things that would normally make you sick back home.
Some traditions aren’t worth keeping.
Extreme circumstances can make you appreciate home for one week.
It’s okay to keep your child alive.
It’s not wrong to teach morals.]
What, there’s no Santa Claus?
Smoking and food often mix (cough, cough!).
In a world of conformity, being different is an act of bravery.
The past is no substitute for now.
Utopia has a dystopic underbelly.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Route memorization and cognizant discourse aren’t always the same!
If you can move to a foreign country without knowing a word or a single person, you are capable of most things.

Was Ist Das Limpet?

A few words now, about the beloved Deputy of Mayberry County who recently passed away last month. To some, he’ll always be known as Barney Fife, sidekick on “The Andy Griffith Show” who had to keep a bullet in his pocket after he shot himself in the foot.
To me Don Knotts represented to me something much broader. One need only to look at Knott’s multifaceted-oeuvre of celluloid to grasp a clearer perspective of the man behind the screen.
Don brought something of a bumbling innocence to every role that made him easily accessible. In a world overwrought with coolness, bravado, and shallow posturing, Don personified an accurate experience facing the American male. In the real world most of us aren’t cool, we don’t have all the answers, we are insecure, we aren't particularly attractive, and certainly make lots of mistakes! Don was not afraid to show this part of the human experience, which I think endears him to us all the more, because we really do see ourselves in him.
One shouldn’t forget Knotts' performance in “The Incredible Mr. Limpet”(1964) (the story of a man after a 4F military rejection is transformed into an animated fish who later leads the Navy to victory against the dreaded Nazi U-boats), to be reminded the meekest amongst us can accomplish the greatest of tasks.
In “The Reluctant Astronaut”(1967), Don goes from janitor into orbit as an astronaut. After a computational foul up, Don is able to bring the capsule back to Earth landing right on the aircraft carrier! A much more satisfying film than the Apollo 13 movie Opie directed!
Who couldn't admire Don’s resilience in the face of grave danger? “The Shakiest Gun in the West”(1968), Don has to gun-sling at high noon against cold blooded killers, unwittingly busting caps on all their asses.
In Don’s rage-against-the-dying-of-the-light years, he reinvented himself once more in the sitcom “Three’s Company” (1979-1984), replacing the irascible Ropers as the gregarious Mr. Furley. In the role of the new landlord, Don defied the odds again, not letting age nor fashion stand in the way of scoring many a night at The Regal Beagle.
Why does the man still matter? Perhaps it was in ineptness in the face of everyday tasks that made his on-screen achievements all the more inspiring. He could never make it in ordinary position, but always rose to the occasion of superhuman feats when pushed. It might have been the absurdity of his repeated coup de grace that made him a real star. In spite of his short-comings, he’d always come out on top, which is a pretty powerful message to anyone who finds themselves challenged.
Although many have tried to usurp the mantle Don once held, none can imitate his self-abashed character. You always felt with Don, you were getting the man himself. Were Don starting out today, he would get filed under the lost and confused file.
Still, Don will be best remembered as lovable Barney Fife, to which he had no qualms about as being his signature piece. Just like the idyllic paintings of Norman Rockwell’s America, people long for that town of Mayberry because the place doesn’t exist. Maybe those who tune into T.V. Land at 3 in the morning are searching for something more than a momentary distraction. People want it to exist because they recognize a longing for a time that never was. Don Knotts understood this and would be the first to agree.
What message does Don have to impart to future generations? Maybe it’s okay to be who you are, even if you are a dork, you can still have it all. I think ultimately what Don gave people was a sense of hope, especially for the downtrodden, everyman who invariably got the wrong end of the stick. There would be Don, the original geek riding off into the sunset with the beautiful Hollywood starlet, which of course never happens in the real world. It could be that illusion that sustained many a nerd through the dark night of this world. That alone could be a legacy worth having.