Things I learned in Korea

Physical affection within the sexes doesn’t necessarily mean homosexuality

Walking slowly when everyone around you is running gives one the illusion of control

Grandma isn’t always going to get that subway seat, especially during rush hour

If you don’t want gawkers, stop hiking up those skirts!

Sometimes in the midst of my busy day, I have to say that i’m having a completely surreal experience.

It doesn’t matter what the occasion, you’re going to feel underdressed!

The unofficial policy with dealing with foreigners: keep them out of the loop, agitated, in the dark, and keep stirring the pot

Being clueless is not the same as being blameless

Saving face is not the same as saving grace

The bureaucracy never stops!

Never give them what they want

Unless that seat next to me is the last one available, Koreans won’t be sitting next to me!

There are only 2 seasons in Korea: hot and cold

Running in high heels in the snow is an acquired skill!

There’s always another meeting!

Mackin’ late at night should only be attempted under the eaves of registered establishments!

It’s guaranteed: someone is going to try to save your soul!

Everyone is trying to do the right thing, but someone always ends up crying!

You’ll always be able to find a disaster movie on television, but the real threat is North Korea

A sneeze is necessarily cause for a blessing

Opening an umbrella isn’t always bad luck!

All recipes for success or disaster involve constantly stirring the pot

Holidays in Asia are always a hit below the belt

Is it just me or did i contract leprosy?

An isosceles triangle plus a roof is enough for a church

When in doubt, refer to the older person on hand

Your best intentions may not be good enough

One must be somewhat pushy to get what one wants, lest one be left in a lurch in the elevator, bus queue, or checkout counter

You can have any color you want for your car, as long as it’s black, gray, or white

Koreans are always running around like they have a stick of dynamite shoved up their bums

It's not new year’s until China says so

Good things don’t always come in small packages

People who wear ties on Sunday scare me!

Tears sting more in frozen weather

I’ll never have to wonder what’s on the other side of the pacific now

One can’t hope to understand a couple millenia of blind adherence to dysfunction

Coloring outside the lines is seriously frowned upon

If there’s going to be bad news, you won’t know about it until the last possible moment

That’s not smoke pouring out of the classrooms, it’s the smell of students’ brains burning

This place wasn’t built for tall people

Not understanding had become second nature to me now

Sometimes first impressions are everything!

Now i know how the elephant man felt!

Originality, what’s that?

Sometimes it really is hard to tell the boys from the girls

Suffering is not optional

No pockets on the pool tables means nobody is going to win!

Straight hatin’ is not unheard of

Hot water isn’t going to come out of those public bathroom taps, especially in the dead of winter

Giving explanations amounts to insolence!

Is it me or all the temples starting to look the same?

Distinguishing between streets and sidewalks can prove challenging for pedestrian and motorist alike

Confusionism is my religion

This place has all the charm of an orwellian torture chamber

Prejudice and xenophobia are acquired skills

Miracles are often expected to be performed upon short notice

Once you leave the front door, you are now playing a game by someone else’s rules which you have no clue how to win

Chopsticks come in handy when stirring your coffee

I am often looked upon with seeming universal contempt and suspicion, however rightfully so

Whatever goes in the big book is gospel

In spite of all the surveillance, i somehow still feel insecure

There’s beauty to be had, but it’s not going to run up and bite you

Being older and wiser are sometimes mutually exclusive phenomena

I wasn’t the first to be taken in by a beautiful face

Showing up early isn’t the same as showing up

If it can be put off until the last possible moment, you can bet the farm it will

Unrealistic expectations can sometimes work to your advantage

Being wrong isn’t the same as being sorry

Desperation isn’t the best place to start with planning

It’s amazing what you can accomplish when given a deadline

Never let old grudges die, especially with japan!

I dunno, why do they call it the hermit kingdom?

Feeling left behind is sometimes a great motivator

Sometimes others find my appearance disturbing

Nuclear testing has a way of grabbing the world’s attention

There’s a profound distinction between learning and education

This is the closest thing i’ll ever have to children

If i get any more immersion, i may bloody well drown

Sometimes i appreciate being out of the loop

Not having membership also has its privileges

I’m not saying I know how deformed people feel, but maybe a glimmer

Red lights/green lights, what are those?

The japanese want to forget, the Koreans can’t forgive- there lies the problem

After watching some american movies the other night, I can see why people jump out of their skins

Finishing a project isn’t necessarily the point

One can’t always blame the Japanese for wanting comfort in Korea

It’s better to make mistakes than do nothing at all

You’re only as good as your last hat trick

Employees are like light bulbs, they can always be changed

There is no getting away from it all

Korean military service turns men to snails and snaral

Koreans take great pride in everything they undertake, which means your subway sandwich might take an extra couple of minutes

The police in Korea are actually security guards

Ask age first, determine character later

Punishment always involves a lesson

It takes an incalculable amount of courage to sit next to a westerner

Being sick isn’t necessarily cause to not come to work and infect others!

Coming to korea is a bit like being a stranger at a family reunion, everyone knows each other and apart from cleaning the pool, there really is no use for you being there

You will always be a gatecrasher at a private party

There are no sick days in Korea, only contamination spreading days

Ever feel as though you are the butt of a joke and no one is going to tell you