what's my line?

For laughs, at the behest of the English department, the Eigo club at my school deemed it necessary to interview the fresh blood for the newspaper, to be published at a later date. Can only imagine how I am going to be interpreted.
Upon entering the English room, I was motioned over to a panel of 13-year old girls seated behind a long table with their backs conveniently to the sun. The standard queries began easily innocuously enough.

“Where you from”? “How old are you”?
Then the line of questioning took an unforeseen turn.
“You have girlfriend”?
“Um, sorta”, I replied to puzzled looks. Does not compute obviously.
“Yes, yes,” to gleeful laughter and the scribblings of latest findings began in earnest once more..
“Will you marry she”? came a more uncomforting jab.
“Um, we’re not exactly big subscribers to the institution”.
Same blank stares as before. Stuck in the mud and turning my wheels.
“Yes, yes we will marry”, an eruption of wild giggles and a flurry of characters fill up the notebooks.
“When you marry she”?
“’Her’ you mean? We haven’t fixed a date as of yet”.
It’s quiet again, come up with something clever.
“October next year, we will marry”.
The Q& A session was becoming somewhat predicable. I was certain that my personal life was going to go back up onto the shelf, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
“Do you love she”?
Now I’m certain my face reddened for the first time. I wasn’t making mad declarations on an afternoon talkshow, but you can’t get much more straightforward than that one. Try that one on for size, Oprah.
“Yes, I love her” I said embarrassedly enough.
“Is she pretty”?
Taken aback again, 60 minutes should hire these girls, not afraid to ask the hard questions. I can feel my face flushing and a palatable giddiness in simply talking about her, which must have been apparent to the panel.
“Yes, she is pretty”.
“How many children”? It’s as if not having children is an option, it’s merely how few or many.
“Well, we haven’t given it much serious thought”. The interview ground to a halt again, although it’s not hard to kick-start this engine. You know the drill.
“We are going to have 2 or 3 children”. Mad laughter from the panel once more, they must be thinking about how one goes about making them.
Then one question came I wasn’t expecting. The word in English escaped them and a dictionary had to be brought forth.
“Do you have a_______,” a finger pointed in the book to the word lover. Apparently wife and lover aren’t the same. “Koibito” can mean mistress or girlfriend.
For a moment I was slightly jealous of the Japanese for knowing exactly what is expected of them for their life’s path. Even the idiosyncrasy of adultery found its fitting place in the larger scheme of things. Somehow it was all too idyllic and I secretly envied what confusion it must eliminate from a young person’s life. There’s a certain comfort in the “all or nothing” approach to life, yet something disquieting about too much perfection. You’ll notice there are no gray areas in the yin-yang symbol.
“Oh, too many side salads can give one the tummy aches,” was my closing statement. I’m sure they weren’t going to find that phrase in their electronic dictionaries.